That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
