Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
