I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
there is glitter all over my balls
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