Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
