Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
