I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
