He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
