It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
