i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
