home. puking in laundry basket.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
