Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
