a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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