I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
