So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
