Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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