I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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