and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
