The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
