I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
