dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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