I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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