so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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