I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
