No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
