Pappa wants mamma naked
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
