Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
