I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
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Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
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Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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