..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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