you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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