whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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