Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
