I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Boobs speak an international language.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
