his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
