Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
