i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
