I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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