If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
