Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i came on her dog
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
please don't ironically join a cult
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