Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize