I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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