i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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