I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
