Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize