OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
