after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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