just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
