today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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