There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
