smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
