shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
