You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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