Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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