I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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