Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
be right there i have to get my cape
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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