i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
