no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
