I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
