I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
