went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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