woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
