Duck Duck Cougar?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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