you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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