How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
