she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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