"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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