There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
