so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
