Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
