i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
