So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
