Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
