So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
