i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
