We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
