My hand turned me down
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
