I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
