when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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