last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
