i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
