i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
