The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
