So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
