what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
