He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I stole a fireplace last night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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